3. Imposter Syndrome?

Have we all made it to this point through sheer luck? That is sure how I feel, to be honest.

People will tell us we are doing a great job, and we will make it big.

I grin and bear it.

I started researching Imposter Syndrome and thought the worst about copyright or plagiarism. I wanted to dive deeper into the topic so I could get a better understanding. Instead of looking up articles and much of the meaning of Imposter Syndrome, I watched a few YouTube videos on the topic. I am a visual learner. I only watched one video that stood out to me, then realized that I and maybe even a few people I know have shown some mannerisms of Imposter Syndrome.

What is Imposter Syndrome? | Kati Morton

This video is by licensed therapist Kati Morton. One of the first things she mentioned was Imposter Syndrome most happens when we are in college or starting a new challenging position. When I first started college, I had many of the same overwhelming feelings when starting, and I am still feeling them now. Okay, I am going through my compositing classes now. I want to start working on my projects, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m an animation student, and I have no idea what I am doing yet. I start feeling so bad, sometimes like just giving up. What do I do when I graduate and go out to get my first job? How do I do it? Many fears surround me when I think about what I am going to do when it comes to post-graduation. I honestly would feel like a fraud. I would have only completed small-scale projects in my one-month courses. Once I am out in the real world and working on a full-feature film, what am I getting myself into? Will I be a good compositor? Will I be able to do what I want and do it correctly? Of course, I would feel like a fraud, showing many symptoms of this Imposter Syndrome.

When I read the description of what we are to do in this discussion, I read that all artists go through this. I thought. Wait, I am not alone? Is it typical to feel this anxiety and depression, and Imposter Syndrome? Well, I have gone through a lot of therapy in the past, and I won’t go through all of that here, but I feel like you must succumb to all of it and let it out and realize that it is not only you and we all go through it. Wait, what? Yes, from what Morton was saying in this video. She was saying that if we feel like a fraud and we feel like we don’t deserve anything, then yes, it can potentially make us feel worse about ourselves and lead us down a giant rabbit hole. She talks about herself as a therapist in this video, but this could happen to any of us as an artist or a doctor.

When I think about combatting this Imposter Syndrome, I think of myself as the negative and my husband as the positive side. My husband has gone through his battle with Imposter Syndrome, but he has gotten to the point where he doesn’t exactly care what others think. Is he a fraud? I don’t think so, and neither does he. He says he is just another artist just making it out there, as we all are. He grew up in a household on his side of the family where success had to be present. If you didn’t have a degree, you looked like the “black sheep” of the family. I think we have all heard of that term. He joined the Army to show his family they could be proud of him, but they didn’t budge. 12-plus years it took him to get a degree to prove something to his family. When he got a degree, he didn’t care what his family thought of him. He brought about what he thought of himself. That is where we should combat the Imposter Syndrome and the anxiety of what others feel.

 Let’s end with this. I said I think of myself as unfavorable. I will tell you I don’t think of myself as a negative. Right now, where I stand, I am still learning to combat my Imposter Syndrome. I do have the feelings constantly of “Am I working hard enough” or “Is this worth it?”.

It is all average from what the research shows to ask yourself that. Start talking positive things to yourself in a mirror. Tell yourself you can do it and that you are not a fraud.

Tell yourself the exact opposite of what your mind is telling you. If your mind tells you you worked so hard, but you doubt yourself? Tell yourself you must work harder, but don’t feel bad about it.

I went down a rabbit hole as this reminds me of a cognitive disorder, which may very well be because it can bring on anxiety and depression. As an artist, you must stay true to your work and be proud of your accomplishments. When we get that dream job, we wonder how we got there. I know I will look at it as a huge accomplishment. I have been well-trained and accepted into this program for a reason, and I look forward to what more I will do in the future.   

— Connie Crow Ramirez